The Study Corner    

Whether you plan to get married one day or not, one of the most important things you can do while single is to set Godly priorities and focuses.  This is the time to establish the habits you want to maintain for the rest of your life.

Some of you may know me personally, and be thinking, “What does the married guy know about single life?  He doesn’t know how hard it is to be single!”  Let me respond in two parts.

First, Yes I am married (have been for over 11 years as of this writing), and I struggled for many years in my marriage because I had not properly prepared while single for the life that would follow once I was married.  Once I was married all the daily “stuff” of married life took over and I lost focus on my true duties as a husband.  The priorities you set as a single person will help define your marriage attitude and response to your spouse and God.

Second, I have counseled, observed, prayed for, and cried for more than a few couples and singles over the years and while doing so, most of the problems in early marriage come down to improper perceptions and sin brought in from their time being single.  Whether it be sexual sin, pride, or just a complete lack of understanding God.  I pray that this will find a heart receptive to God’s will and the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.

While you are single you should be focused on the person of God.  It’s a time to build you relationship with Jesus, and hear His voice.  Your understanding of the word will grow, your faith will mature further, and you learn to better follow the Holy Spirit’s direction in your life.  If you train yourself to spend time with him as a single, then you will bring that piety, consistency, and strong foundation of those habits to your marriage.

(Read on …)

My first-born son went to be with the Lord on April 15th, 2008.  It has been almost 2 years and yet the pain never fades.  You just learn to get by with it.  I had trouble coming up with something better to post than my service I read as I officiated my own son’s funeral.  I read a shorter version of this on the day of his burial as I wasn’t sure I could get through it all.  I wanted to post the full version I had put together.

During the last few days as each of us considered the untimely death of baby Jason our hearts have been full of questions – chief amongst them being “how did this happen?” and “why did this happen?”  This has been upon the lips of many of you who are here today – and indeed they have been heard throughout our community.

We are not here today to answer these questions – even if we could. Rather we are here to mourn – to mourn and to commend Jason into God’s care, and to ask God to help us.

In the most beautiful of gardens, even those tended by the most skillful of botanists, there is an occasional rose that buds, but never opens.  In all respects the rose is like all the others, but something keeps it from blooming.  It fades away – or disappears – without having reached maturity.

What happens in nature’s garden happens once in a while also in the garden of God’s human family.  A baby is born, beautiful, precious, but fails to come to its rightful unfolding.  This child, like the bud that never fully opens, is gathered back into God’s heavenly garden of souls – where all imperfections are made perfect; all injustices made right; all mysteries are explained; and all sorrows turned to happiness.

Today we mourn our loss of such a child.  We weep, just as Jesus himself wept at the death of his friend Lazarus.  Even if we knew the answers to the questions that rise so naturally to our hearts and minds at times like this, there still would be no adequate explanation for this loss.  It is painful.   And I believe it is also painful to God, who created the world intending for it to be perfect.   As Jesus himself said: “So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.”

(Read on …)

When a man is having marriage problems, one of the most common reasons is that they don’t understand women, and don’t care to understand them. As far as he is concerned, she lives in her own world. Which is fine with you.  But the Bible commands us husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge.  In other words, men, you are out of God’s will if you are not taking steps to get to know your wife.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (1 Pet 3:7)

Two words in the Greek language are translated to “knowledge.”  The first is epignosis.  Epi means higher, or above; gnosis means knowledge.  So epignosis is the higher knowledge or relevation received through the Holy Spirirt concerning God’s word or His will.  In 1 Peter 3:7, however, the Greek word for “knowledge” is gnosis – simple, everyday knowledge.  Husbands are supposed to live with their wives according to the natural knowledge of them.  I don’t know that a man can ever fully understand his wife, but even a little knowledge of her can help him to be understanding.  The English Standard Version says, “live with your wives in an understanding way.”

How is your wife unique?  How is she unique? What pleases her, and what irritates her?  What does she enjoy doing?  What are her weaknesses, and how can you help her overcome them?  Study her, talk to her, and  observe how she reacts to different people and situations.

The next thing this verse of Scripture says about women is that husbands are to honor their wives as the weaker vessel.  This does not mean she is weaker in intelligence or endurance.  In fact, there are some jobs women are much better suited to than men.  The word vessel is referring to the physical body only (see 2 Cor 4:7).  A woman is physically not as strong as a man (with a few exceptions, of course), and a husband is reminded to protect his wife with his strength.

The husband’s strength is for work and for protection, not for bullying and battering.

Peter declares in verse 7 that the wife is the husband’s joint heir.  Their individual spiritual inheritances are still intact with the Lord, but a new inheritance for this life is given when they are joined together.

When the husband loves his wife as Jesus loves the Church, and his wife responds by submitting to him with respect and honor, they enter a place of power in their prayer lives that makes Satan tremble.  In this world, husbands and wives need the power of prayer to maintain a solid marriage relationship. Husbands, you will not enjoy the victories through unity in prayer if you don’t take time to get to know your wife. If husbands do not treat their wives in a godly way, the Lord will pay no heed to their prayers.

When one is married, we expect everything to come naturally.  Even Adam and Eve figured out it didn’t come naturally pretty quick.  We must learn to live God’s way.  When you were born again, you didn’t just naturally know how to worship the Lord, how to love Him, how to please Him, how to walk with Him.You had to study your Bible, pray and learn these things with help from your pastor and other believers.

The same is true for marriage.  You will find that God has a lot to say about your wife to help you understand her better.  He also has a lot to say about you, and what a husband is supposed to be.  Many men give in to pride and refuse to admit they need help to have a succesful marriage.  To them, studying and learning about marriage is for wimps, those who are “whooped”.  Men, don’t be embarassed to let your wife know you are reading books to help to be a better husband and father.  Your wife will respect you when you boldly meet your responsibilities and courageously deal with problems according to the Word of God.

• The problem with many single Christian ladies is the temptation to settle. In a recent survey I saw where 60% of the Christians in America are female…so…many of them feel like that have to take what they can get.
• Many single ladies are more in love with the idea of being in a relationship and being married MORE than they are in love with Jesus, and so, they will settle for unGodly relationship … and over the next few years many of them will become divorced and will have experienced some serious pain in their lives…all because they didn’t have high Godly standards.
• The Bible says in Ephesians 3:20 that God is able to so much more than we could ever ask or imagine…so single ladies should set incredibly high Godly standards…and then watch God blow them out of the water.
• The following question should be asked before entering ANY serious relationship! “Is this the kind of love God meant when He created Adam and Eve, the kind between two people that truly reflects His love for us (the 1 Corinthians 13 kind), or are you settling for less than God’s immeasurably? more than anything you can ask or imagine?

What should a man be? What am I looking for in a man who will win the heart of my daughter?

• A Priest – he needs to be in love with Jesus and know God’s Word. I tell single guys all the time that the best thing they can do to prepare themselves for marriage is to read the Bible over and over again…to memorize it…AND to apply it!!! If a guy doesn’t know Scripture–he cannot spiritually lead any daughter of Christ, and he should be shown the door.
• A Protector – if a guy ever puts a lady into a situation where she feels compromised physically or spiritually…then he is NOT a godly man, he is actually acting more like satan – seeking to manipulate her to fulfill his own selfish desires. A true man of God protects a woman and her reputation.
• A Provider – Don’t bring home some broke boy that I am going to have to support and who wants to live in my basement! I want my little girl to date and marry a man who has dreams AND A JOB!!! Single guys–WORK!!! Jesus spoke a lot about being a good steward over what he provides. You don’t have to be rich to show you are a good provider, you have to show you honor God and you future spouse by being a good manager of what he does provide.

Fall in love with Jesus–treat women like women should be treated in the eyes of God–and WORK to provide for her!!!

What is one of the major responsibilites of any christian parent? “pray without ceasing” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (ESV)

Here are some selcetions to remind us what to pray about for our children.

That Jesus will call them and no one will hinder them from coming.

Matthew 19:13-15

13 Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, 14 but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” 15 And he laid his hands on them and went away. (ESV)

That they will respond in faith to Jesus’ faithful, persistent call.

2 Peter 3:9

9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. (ESV)

That they will experience sanctification through the transforming work of the Holy Spirit and will increasingly desire to fulfill the greatest commandments.

Matthew 22:37-39

37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (ESV)

That they will not be unequally yoked in intimate relationships, especially marriage.

2 Corinthians 6:14

14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (ESV)

That their thoughts will be pure.

Philippians 4:8

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (ESV)

That their hearts will be stirred to give generously to the Lord’s work.

Exodus 35:29

29 All the men and women, the people of Israel, whose heart moved them to bring anything for the work that the Lord had commanded by Moses to be done brought it as a freewill offering to the Lord. (ESV)

That when the time is right, they will GO!

Matthew 28:18-20

18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (ESV)