But I Want to Get Married NOW!
Adam might have realized he wanted a wife before he finished naming all the creatures of the earth. However, he continued to do what what God had called him to do. At the right time (His time), God brought Eve to Adam.This principle applies to all singles – both men and women – who desire to be married.
If a single person constantly thinks about getting married, they will be frustrated, unhappy and perhaps even unjustly angry at God if it fails to happens within their time frame. With this attitude, they place themselves in a position where they are unable to receive all the blessing the Lord has for them and can hinder the work the Lord has called them to do.
If you desire to be married, put that desire in the Lord’s hands and delight and trust in him. Develop a heart of trust. Instead of complaining about what you don’t have, form the habit of thanking God for all that you do have.
I was once told a parable, “We are like a child who brings our broken toys to our Father to fix. We get frustrated when he doesn’t do it fast enough and we yank them back saying ‘I’ll just do it myself, your taking too long!’. He then looks at us and says, ‘How can I fix them when you never let go of them?’ The moral? Let go. Put it in your Father’s hands and let him work on them so he can fix your broken dreams and give you back more than you ever hoped for.
Pleasing God, not looking for a mate, should be the focus of a single person’s life.
Here is my list of 8 Scriptural guidelines to help single people avoid marrying the wrong one. If you are considering marrying someone and know you are going against even one of these principles, God has not brought the right one to you.
1. Do not marry someone who is not a Christ follower. If you are a believer, God is not going to bring you an unbeliever to marry, so don’t even date unbelievers.
[bibleblock]1 Cor 9:5[/bibleblock]
Paul says your wife ought to be your sister in Christ also.
[bibleblock]2 Cor 6:14[/bibleblock]
This verse need no explanation.
2. Do not marry in a wave of sexual passion. Everyone goes through seasons of intense sexual desire. These are not the times to consider getting married. Just pray for God’s sufficiency in this time and think with your head, not your sexual organs.
3. Never confuse love with sex; they are not the same. Sex is an expression of love, not the other way around. Sex only brings fulfillment in a marriage which is already based on a love relationship of two people. Remember, sex is physical and temporary. It must be built on something enduring, a spiritually based relationship.
4. Do not marry to solve your problems, or you will exchange one set of problems for another. Let’s say you don’t get along with your parents and you want to get married just to get out of the house. Don’t do it. If you seek Him first, God will give you the grace to get along with your parents and eventually maybe even a job to move out. Do you think you’re getting too old? Some of the best marriages come when people are older. It is important to be led by the Holy Spirit and not by your problems – in all areas of your life. Don’t marry to escape something. Marry because the Holy Spirit has given you peace about it.
5. Do not expect marriage to make you happy. If you are miserable now, chance are you will just bring your new spouse into your misery. Find God’s will for your life, study His Word and promises and ask the Holy Spirit to instruct you in finding contentment now. Paul wrote that he learned to be content in all things. (Philippians 4:11)
Happiness that comes from circumstances is temporary, but happiness which comes from contentment with God is permanent. Once happiness and fulfillment are found, you can look forward to sharing your happiness, not trying to find someone to give happiness to you.
6. Do not marry someone who promises to change after you are married. If they do not go to church now, don’t expect them to go with you after you are married. You want to be certain that whatever changes they make in their life are sincere and lasting. Changes should be made because of their relationship with the Lord, not to manipulate you.
7. Don’t marry someone who is extremely jealous. Godly jealousy is a good thing. It is a boundary of protection around your marriage relationship. Extreme jealousy is based on suspicion, not trust and love. Your mate constantly imagines you are cheating on them, or at least want to, so everywhere you go and everything you do is monitored. They don’t trust you and probably don’t know how to trust anyone. Eventually, jealousy will kill your love.
A biblical example of the destructive nature of jealousy is the account of Saul’s jealousy of David. In this case Saul’s unrepented jealousy led to violence and attempted murder. Extreme jealousy is a dangerous thing.
8. Do not marry someone who puts you on a pedestal or associates you with impossible standards. If a person cannot accept you weaknesses and faults, they cannot accept you. They are looking for someone who is perfect because of some great deficiency in themselves. They are either too lazy or too afraid to deal with their problems, so they look to you instead of God for their sufficiency.
Marry someone because of spiritual things which endure, not because of natural things which are appealing.
You cannot base a marriage on natural things. Your life together must be founded on something more than how you look, what jobs you have, how much money you earn and so forth. Eventually those good looks will fade, you’ll retire from your job, and money can only buy so much in life.
[bibleblock]1 Sam 16:7[/bibleblock]
Only God can tell you if someone if right for you or not.
You may be dating someone who seems perfect for you, but your spirit says no. Or you may meet someone who from a natural standpoint does not appeal to you at first, but your spirit says, “That’s the one.” In any case, the Holy Spirit will make it clear to you whether they are the one, and the sparks will begin to fly.
Love at first sight seems like a very rare concept to me, but I do believe Christian couples can know very quickly if they are right for each other. Real love and godly passion grow from there. The point to remember is that only the Holy Spirit knows the heart of a person.
The Bible also talks about how the Holy Spirit leads us and guides us – by peace – a supernatural peace which passes all human reason and cannot be denied.
[bibleblock]Isaiah 55:12[/bibleblock]
[bibleblock]Romans 14:19[/bibleblock]
You will know you have met the one God has for you because you will have a peace about them in your spirit.
You will have a sense of not wanting to live the rest of your life without them. You will realize their life, their calling, their gifts, their personality, and their faults and weaknesses which will challenge your faith, are meant to be a part of your life. (Remember, Jesus is the only perfect person.)
God will always confirm his will for your life through those whom you respect and admire in the faith. Seek out his will daily and you will find it.
